Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
