I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
