her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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