matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
