help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
