I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
