Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
