I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal