Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success