Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.