6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian