So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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