The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?