I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out