If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
