ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken