You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
