I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
