she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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