No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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