I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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