He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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