I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
