Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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