it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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