Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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