her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
