please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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