I intend to get homeless drunk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
