Will you blow on my dice?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
