Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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