Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
