I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize