I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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