help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
