you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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