overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
