I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
