the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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