Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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