it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
