Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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