Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't think brook has ever known best
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
your like the ambassador to my penis.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
