perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
