I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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