Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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