i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
