Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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