I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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