Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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