If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
