these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
