You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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