That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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