He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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