Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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