Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize