you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
