you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize