if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i came on her dog
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
