mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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