I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
