i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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