And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
