i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
