Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
