Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
