he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
