I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
