Whod you bang
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
