Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
