wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
