I'm so fucking centered right now
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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