you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
