was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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