can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
